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Dear God, [09 Feb 2004|01:41am]
Dear God, [09 Feb 2004|12:11am]
I hope You've chosen wisely, I can't help but think You've made a mistake this time. You're usually right. In fact, I can't think of a single instance when You may have been wrong, but this doesn't feel right. Look at what Your taking, only You know if it can ever be given back, but even if it could, what use would that be to me? What use would it be to my flesh and blood? More importantly, what use is it to You? Why do You need it? Do You want it? I think You're jealous of what I...WE...have. Look at what Your doing. It may be time to re-evaluate what's going on here. I don't cry, and to be honest I don't even feel like crying, I feel like an empty hole filled with empty emotions. They can't be empty, they're much to cold and weighty. Emptiness isn't supposed to have mass. You're sucking the life out of me like Your sucking the life out of her. She could have done more to help herself, but so could You. You could do so much more to help her. You just take what You want and deal with the consequences. In a way I can admire that, but its wrong. I think You're reverting to Your old ways, cruel and jealous. Hell, (I know that’s ironic) I wonder if You ever really did turn into the loving God that everyone makes You out to be. Prove me wrong. You know what You need to do. I'm a believer, but I'm doubting Your character. I need a reason to make You my Leader. This is my prayer, lets see if You answer it, like they say You do. I have my doubts but I hope I'm wrong.

Matthew Bleuel
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[19 Jan 2004|02:32am]
Explain the purpose of eyes to me, please. I really don't get them. Sure they help you see, but you can see just as well without them. Better, in fact. When you look at something with your eyes you only see what is evident. Its when you take the time to peer into something with your eyes closed. Its when you use your mind's eye that you see what is relevant. To be blind is to be blessed. When your frightened you close your eyes. Does the cause of your fear vanish? No, its still there, breathing down your neck. But what is it that makes you unafraid? Its that you can't physically see the fear, but you see the trust of your mind. Trusting your mind seems to be the most important thing a person can do. If you can't trust your own mind, then what do you have? You have eyes used to see meaningless images and nothing more.
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[14 Jan 2004|01:12am]
How did the moon land on the ground? What would you say if I told you the sky moved and the earth stood still? I bet you'd probably question my thinking, but its my thinking that questions you. Seriously, can't you see that my mood has faded?
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[14 Jan 2004|01:12am]
It's alot like heaven, cold and crisp....you can even see your breath, and even though your dead...you've never felt so alive. It's as if when I walked outside I could feel the earth sighing, just casting away all of its worries in one cold breath. That breath cut into my soul, and I exhailed my own worries. Only lightning could have made that moment more perfect. I shared it with no one, though, essentially all alone, but when you share a breath with the planet you feel as though you've shared a liftime with its populous. Maybe its just me.
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[14 Jan 2004|01:11am]
Excuse me, do u think you could help me carry the stars. My back is starting to ache maybe u could just take half. No you take the lighter half...my stars are heavier and harder to carry. I know I've made them heavier but that's what happens when you rely on them so much. How do you think the sun got so big? It certaintly was born that way. I'm sure its the effect of someone far away carrying their own stars and unloading a few along the way. Those things seem to band together, you know. Maybe something will come along and force it apart. We'd all like that wouldn't we? It would be dark cold and most importantly senseful. It makes sense, but the only force that I can think of that would pull the sun apart is so pure that in can only be contained in the human body and when released is so powerful that it could rip the stars from the sky and place them on your back. I hope that when that force is unleashed I'll have someone to share the burden with, but I'll take the heavy end....no need for you to hurt your back.
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... [14 Jan 2004|12:59am]
It seems as if everytime I turn around I see some apparition standing before me
It could be that I'm not paying attention to it anyother time
But I think its more than that
Its possesive and responsive but somehow seems so empty
It owns me but I'm having trouble figuring out if it's part of me
I don't know what I'm talking about
It's more of a feeling
It's cold at first, then seems to warm itself by an unknown means
It could be kenetic energy, but is it fueled by my movements or its own
We'll just assume that its by mine
But then again my movements are his
Is it even gender specific, I assume its male, but who is to say its not female, or even an unknown gender
I think it just exsists
No need to be specific or even nonspecific
It is what it is
Who cares, it's not like its going anywhere
Its always here, even when its dark and not visible
I know its here, I can feel it
As I said earlier, its cold
And warm
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